April 1, 2009
The Story Behind the Three-Pronged Claw I think I need to liven up the mood right now, and this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. Speaking of, did anyone get hit with Conficker? Let’s forget about the burger and forget about the economy. This story dates back to the pre-2000 millennium. I first developed symptoms of IBS in 1999, my junior year of high school. I knew something was up when after eating a bacon, egg, and cheese from Dirty Deli after 1st period, I would have to run to the bathroom. This strange and unfortunate activity continued for several weeks, so I went to a gastroenterologist in Mineola, NY. The first test that a new patient undergoes, (or at least the first procedure that I underwent) is a Sigmoidoscopy. The Sigmoid is the lowest portion of the Colon, i.e. Large Intestine. It holds the “matter” before it is sent out into the “porcelain palace”. Three typical procedures for the gastrointestinal tract (“GI”) are Sigmoidoscopy, Colonoscopy, and Endoscopy. The Sigmoidoscopy does not require complete sedation, as the camera does not travel up far into the Colon. If any of you have completed the aforementioned procedures, you know all about the preparation. Maybe it’s a drink, maybe it’s an enema…, or a powerful combination of both. But it CLEANS YOU OUT and is VERY unpleasant. The story goes like this: I was put under mild sedation, and was able to watch the procedure on a small TV screen up in the corner of the examination room. At most it feels like a bunch of air being introduced up into your behind…, uncomfortable but painless. As I watched the screen, I saw small bits of green jello float by… yes, green jello. During prep, I was only allowed to drink or eat certain liquids and foods, and green jello was one of them. A minute or two later, I saw a metal arm come into the TV frame, and with three prongs, a claw grabbed a piece of my insides!!! I could even see a bit of blood as the claw took a sample of my sigmoid colon for biopsy. Needless to say I was shocked, and immediately considered a lawsuit. No, I didn’t; that would have been stupid and pathetic. In the end, I thought it was incredible. I saw green jello in my intestine, and then a mechanical device installed in an endoscope reach out and take a bite out of me!!! The bottom line and the conclusion of this test showed that my colon appeared to be, and was indeed, healthy. IBS does not damage any lining villa or create polyps or ulcers. The intestine itself is not harmed by IBS and seems to function with normal action until there is a GI stimulant. The Brain-Gut Function is what IBS is ALL about. More about life and the “BGF” later…

The Story Behind the Three-Pronged Claw


I think I need to liven up the mood right now, and this isn’t an April Fool’s joke. Speaking of, did anyone get hit with Conficker?

Let’s forget about the burger and forget about the economy. This story dates back to the pre-2000 millennium. I first developed symptoms of IBS in 1999, my junior year of high school. I knew something was up when after eating a bacon, egg, and cheese from Dirty Deli after 1st period, I would have to run to the bathroom. This strange and unfortunate activity continued for several weeks, so I went to a gastroenterologist in Mineola, NY. The first test that a new patient undergoes, (or at least the first procedure that I underwent) is a Sigmoidoscopy. The Sigmoid is the lowest portion of the Colon, i.e. Large Intestine. It holds the “matter” before it is sent out into the “porcelain palace”. Three typical procedures for the gastrointestinal tract (“GI”) are Sigmoidoscopy, Colonoscopy, and Endoscopy. The Sigmoidoscopy does not require complete sedation, as the camera does not travel up far into the Colon. If any of you have completed the aforementioned procedures, you know all about the preparation. Maybe it’s a drink, maybe it’s an enema…, or a powerful combination of both. But it CLEANS YOU OUT and is VERY unpleasant.

The story goes like this: I was put under mild sedation, and was able to watch the procedure on a small TV screen up in the corner of the examination room. At most it feels like a bunch of air being introduced up into your behind…, uncomfortable but painless. As I watched the screen, I saw small bits of green jello float by… yes, green jello. During prep, I was only allowed to drink or eat certain liquids and foods, and green jello was one of them. A minute or two later, I saw a metal arm come into the TV frame, and with three prongs, a claw grabbed a piece of my insides!!! I could even see a bit of blood as the claw took a sample of my sigmoid colon for biopsy. Needless to say I was shocked, and immediately considered a lawsuit. No, I didn’t; that would have been stupid and pathetic. In the end, I thought it was incredible. I saw green jello in my intestine, and then a mechanical device installed in an endoscope reach out and take a bite out of me!!!

The bottom line and the conclusion of this test showed that my colon appeared to be, and was indeed, healthy. IBS does not damage any lining villa or create polyps or ulcers. The intestine itself is not harmed by IBS and seems to function with normal action until there is a GI stimulant.

The Brain-Gut Function is what IBS is ALL about. More about life and the “BGF” later…

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March 30, 2009
Get This Now

Ever wonder what new bands are worth listening to? Well my good friend Kazz filters out the bad, and tells you what you need to get, NOW!!

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“And Then There Were Five Guys”

If you thought I’ve been in the bathroom this past entire week, you were correct. Some of you may have experienced the above well-known burger, some may have not. My description pertains to those of you who fear a greasy, fatty, but delicious burger.

My experience with “Five Guys” occurred last Sunday, at the West Village 7th Avenue location. It started as a great Sunday; one filled with brunch, screwdrivers, and several Guinness, which I think can be consumed at any time during the day. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to join my buddies for the first time at their local burger joint. They had just moved into the West Village, and I was enjoying my first stay with them (on the couch of course). Upon arriving to Five Guys, I stumbled through the ordering process (which involves an order of a single or double burger, then a quick read off the toppings menu, throw in an order of fries, and you were good to go…just wait and sip on the fountain soda). Another IBS no-no: DON’T DRINK SODA! Think about it; soda has sugar in a syrup form, aka High Fructose Corn Syrup. Sucrose, Fructose, and other sugar formulations are tested for in a Sucrose/Fructose exam, where you drink a solution and breathe into a tube every 15 minutes for three hours. The test shows any enzymatic activity as a result of the ingestion of sugar, and is a great way to take off a morning, sit on a couch and relax. Hopefully an attractive nurse will be helping you with this “examination”. Back to the burger; I devoured it and I enjoyed every second of it. It was tasty and it was messy, but by NO means, does it compare to a J.G. Melons burger, or Luke’s. Some of you may not know Luke’s… enjoy, 1394 3rd Ave.

Fortunately, I was able to fall asleep that night, wake up, and drive 60 miles to work with no problems, but WOW was Monday a killer. I was nauseas; everything I ate made me feel worse, and I made several trips to the bathroom. I haven’t been the same since that burger even though my eating regiment has been on track since Monday. IBS is such a rollercoaster of a ride, with the ups and downs and peaks and valleys, and there isn’t a way to track it. I am still searching for the answer. I guess strong irritants to your colon have a longer lasting effect on your body than I previously had thought.

So folks, this experience with Five Guys taught me something. I can’t expect to be physically all right after ingesting several Guinness followed by a greasy double cheeseburger. So with Five Guys, I start a new series for Blog For Your Bowels, entitled, “Five Guys Ain’t My Guy”. This series will list and discuss eateries, not limited to the NYC area, that will definitely cause a problem if you suffer from IBS.

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March 18, 2009
A mean joke or an act of baking ingenuity with a sick twist?

A mean joke or an act of baking ingenuity with a sick twist?

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I am really stuffed up…like a turkey on thanksgiving. I took way too much Imodium over the weekend.

On to the cake. I turned 27 years young this past Saturday and yes, the gray hairs continue to grow. I feel distinguished and if anything, my colon recognizes that, and put me through the wringer this weekend. Real quick, I had my first colonoscopy 10 years ago, and upon coming out of anesthesia I was told that I had an “elongated colon”. Yeah, okay, so what? So my colon looks healthy but is too long? Anyways, that pissed me off, and now I wonder if my colon continues to grow in spite of me.

The birthday celebration started with a BBQ with some buddies at Rizzo’s Bar, out on Long Island, and boy can this kid cook. Filets, lamb chops, veal on the bone, and even some bacon to decorate each delectable entrée. We ate a lot, drank a lot, and so in time came the urgent need for the “John”. A quick dash past two wild, flesh-eating puppies led me to the well-known and frequented mirrored bathroom, where I was able to evaluate every possible angle and expression of this supposed “involuntary” motility function. A doosy, it was.

Up next was bowling, where every movement your body makes plays a role in the success of each roll. While completely uncomfortable, I managed to bowl two games around the 150 mark, a feat of which I am proud.

On Sunday morning, to celebrate a few births in my immediate family, I woke up, blurry-eyed and robe- with-tie in tow, and hobbled downstairs to see an Italian feast at noontime. I knew I was in BIG, BIG trouble, but I wasted no time in devouring the contents of each hot dish that lay out on the dining room table. ALAS, I ate breakfast and lunch in the same meal! On to dessert. Out comes this hilarious looking cake, which looked noticeably different than your usual birthday cake. In fact, I was insulted at first glance. How could my sister bake me a cake that looked like a giant poop?!

Well, she didn’t. Our dog Holly, an evil reincarnation of our old lab Molly, ate half the cake, luckily before it was iced.

The lesson from the weekend is…there is no lesson. If you eat and drink the entire weekend, you are going to get sick, no matter how old you are, or how long your colon is.

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March 13, 2009

Contact Info

All, please email me your thoughts, comments, suggestions and stories from the toilet at blogforyourbowels@gmail.com

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Coffee or Tea?

Coffee, Coffee, Coffee. There is such an obsession with coffee these days it makes me sick. I recently gave up coffee back in December, and haven’t touched the poison since. I say poison because coffee is well-known as an irritant, instigator, whatever you want to call it, that gets the gut MOVING. For an IBS patient, coffee is a complete no-no, just like alcohol, fatty and greasy foods, etc. Part of treatment is the ability to identify triggers in one’s diet that can lead to the onset of symptoms, and we all know what symptoms I am talking about, the coffee sh*ts. Because IBS is both brain-gut motility and food related, it is difficult to isolate the true factors that can cause discomfort. Since the start of the new year, I have been keeping a record of all the food I eat, my beautiful niece Taylor has named it my, “Poop Journal”, clever and great. I do this more for sanity and scheduling reasons than I do for investigatory reasons, as I already know what makes me sick.

A brief bit on tea. Tea is great. Should I feel any less of a man if I order tea from a restaurant? Hell no. People of ignorance will name call and bust balls, but the truth is tea is easier on the stomach, is a good source of anti-oxidants, and provides caffeine. I drink a few cups of assorted teas each day, and green tea is a personal favorite because of its ability to strengthen the immune system with a very high source of these anti-oxidants.

So in closing before the weekend, drink as much tea as you want. If someone makes fun of you, take out the hot tea bag and smack it against their forehead.

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March 12, 2009

A short clip on the pain I sometimes experience, taken from Chicago, 2008. IMPORTANT- I did NOT know this was being filmed.

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Pork Chops and Baby Wipes

To all friends and family, parents of infants, depends’ wearing senior citizens, do me a favor and wipe your butt with a wipe that is alcohol free. We all know that “sting” and “burn” you feel when alcohol enters a fresh, open wound, it freakn hurts! Would you like that same feeling on your bum? NO, I didn’t think so. It is as tortuous as a baby as it is as an adult.

Side Note- Don’t eat pork chops then sit through a movie.

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Don’t hold it in!

It’s been a while, and I admit things have been going quite well. BUT, I had a tough time at the movies last night. I went on a date with a “gal pal” and finally saw the much talked about, academy award winning Slumdog Millionaire. It was an incredible, inspiring movie with incredible acting, an entertaining soundtrack, and Frieda Pinto who is gorgeous. HOWEVER, we went to a quick dinner beforehand, I decided to eat pork chops, sweet potato fries, and a glass of red. The usual “post meal” intestinal contractions started almost immediately after dinner, and I did not want to miss a line from the movie, so instead I held it in! That could be one of the worst things to do, it just doesn’t seem healthy, and natural, and I was uncomfortable for the entire length of the movie, which fortunately was only 2 hours.

On another note, I wanted to give an update on my current IBS Health status. There have been good days and bad days over the last month, but on average I am doing better, and I relate this to a combination of Imodium Chewable and pill form tablets. I am taking 6 pills per day, along with my usual medication of lotronex and amitriptyline, which I just looked up in Wiki as the following, “Amitriptyline is now used in the United States and UK to prevent migraines and vaginal swelling only in very small doses.” Vaginal Swelling, who would have thought!! Anyways, I wanted to share a usual weekday diet which I feel complements an IBS-D sufferer well, and that is rather healthy too!

7am- Important to start the day with soluble fiber- banana
8am- 1 cup oatmeal with 1 cup lactaid milk, yogurt, regular tea with milk, and 2 charcoal tablets to aid in overall digestion and prevention of bloating and gas.
10:30am- A few scoops of cottage cheese, celery and carrots
11am- banana, Danactive fruit drink (good source of probiotic)
12:15am- Sliced Chicken breast with Swiss on Whole Wheat, apple, a few baked lays chips, peppermint tea (also helps with digestion)
3pm- bowl of salad with Lite Ranch dressing, apple sauce, 1 cup of granola
5:30pm- 2 cans of tuna with a bit of mayo, salt and pepper
6pm- power/protein/fiber bar (on the way to the gym of course)
8:45pm- 4 egg whites, 5-7oz burger, 1 can of ensure

As you can see, eating small meals (one might not consider the above lunch and dinner small meals) is crucial when fighting IBS. When the stomach gets too full, triggers are sent to the brain to begin normal GI motility functions, however with IBS-D, these aren’t normal functions, they are rapid and more frequent, causing urgent and rushed bowel movements. I have a very fast metabolism, so there is a trade-off of being skinny, and having to run to the bathroom every now and then!!!

Till next time….

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