I am really stuffed up…like a turkey on thanksgiving. I took way too much Imodium over the weekend.
On to the cake. I turned 27 years young this past Saturday and yes, the gray hairs continue to grow. I feel distinguished and if anything, my colon recognizes that, and put me through the wringer this weekend. Real quick, I had my first colonoscopy 10 years ago, and upon coming out of anesthesia I was told that I had an “elongated colon”. Yeah, okay, so what? So my colon looks healthy but is too long? Anyways, that pissed me off, and now I wonder if my colon continues to grow in spite of me.
The birthday celebration started with a BBQ with some buddies at Rizzo’s Bar, out on Long Island, and boy can this kid cook. Filets, lamb chops, veal on the bone, and even some bacon to decorate each delectable entrée. We ate a lot, drank a lot, and so in time came the urgent need for the “John”. A quick dash past two wild, flesh-eating puppies led me to the well-known and frequented mirrored bathroom, where I was able to evaluate every possible angle and expression of this supposed “involuntary” motility function. A doosy, it was.
Up next was bowling, where every movement your body makes plays a role in the success of each roll. While completely uncomfortable, I managed to bowl two games around the 150 mark, a feat of which I am proud.
On Sunday morning, to celebrate a few births in my immediate family, I woke up, blurry-eyed and robe- with-tie in tow, and hobbled downstairs to see an Italian feast at noontime. I knew I was in BIG, BIG trouble, but I wasted no time in devouring the contents of each hot dish that lay out on the dining room table. ALAS, I ate breakfast and lunch in the same meal! On to dessert. Out comes this hilarious looking cake, which looked noticeably different than your usual birthday cake. In fact, I was insulted at first glance. How could my sister bake me a cake that looked like a giant poop?!
Well, she didn’t. Our dog Holly, an evil reincarnation of our old lab Molly, ate half the cake, luckily before it was iced.
The lesson from the weekend is…there is no lesson. If you eat and drink the entire weekend, you are going to get sick, no matter how old you are, or how long your colon is.
2 years ago